When Your Friend is Done with Marriage

Molly at Adventures in Mercy has another one of her from-the-gut transparent posts about her experience in separating from her husband.   This one is about reactions from the Christian community around her.

Here, Let Me Tell You How to Live Your Life

In the comment thread one woman mentions an upcoming visit with a friend she suspects will announce her intention to get divorced during their visit.   As a friend who was in the wedding party of this couple, she’s struggling with the feeling that there might be something she should or could say to talk her friend out of it.   But in the meantime she is mulling over just saying:

1. I’m so sorry you are going through this.
2. I’m also sorry I haven’t been there for you (we’ve lost contact over the years)
3. Is there anything I can do for you?

I think those are good things to say, and a good place to stop.  And then listen.


About katiekind

Enjoying the second half of life. I have three sons who are the apples of my eye and a wonderful husband of 35 years--those are the important things. Long ago, out of the blue, I became a Christian. It was something I never planned on, but what joy it has been. I do website development and I like to read and garden and paint and I love beauty and truth.
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3 Responses to When Your Friend is Done with Marriage

  1. kristen says:

    I think this is pretty wise counsel.

  2. molleth says:

    Me, too. There are so many things that are private, so many things that simply aren’t anyone’s business, but yet when a marriage breaks up, many people don’t give the benefit of the doubt. It is very hurtful to know that people you thought were friends now have a tsk-tsk opinion of you and will continue to do so UNLESS you share with them very private information, in which case they will approve of you again.

    It’s just not a good thing. I loved the three things that woman was thinking about saying. Just perfect. It assumes that her friend has thought long and hard about it and is doing the thing that seems best. Seems to me like a good way to start, as opposed to the “guilty until proven innocent” position.

  3. katiekind says:

    I’m sorry you’ve had the additional pain to deal with. It’s something we can learn from, though, so I appreciate you sharing. I might have been right where your hurtful-reacting friends are but for some experiences over the past 8 years or so that have caused me to approach situations like that with a lot more humility and deference.

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